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I (Tim) had a Heart Catheterization yesterday which revealed that my heart disease was significantly worse than it was three months ago.  A smaller vessel was blocked completely and a main artery was almost closed.  Over an hour and a half, a sharp cardiologist (I sure appreciate excellence) ballooned open the smaller vessel and put a stent in the main artery (LAD).

Some thoughts follow:

I’m thankful that I’m in the States and not in Angola (MY plans had us there Sept 1st).

Healing would be nice (I will ask), as would the grace to accept whatever my Father has for me.  Whether He heals me or not, our Father is in control and has reasons the human mind cannot realize.  “Why was this man born blind?” (Jn 9)…  I am challenged once again today to trust Him or to fear.

In our eyes, life consists of “good” and “bad”.  From my superficial, temporal perspective, this was bad news.  Can I, however, believe that my Father has eternal purpose behind all good and evil, all sickness and health, and all life and death and that He can intervene any time He so desires (and often chooses not to)?  I’m reminded of the remarkable story of Joseph who remained faithful through so much (impossible to humanly understand) pain and hardship.  I understand so little but my challenge is to trust either in my Father or in my understanding.  My perspective will, I’m sure, be different as I look back 10, 100, and 1000 years from now.

It’s difficult for me to not be disappointed by what was revealed yesterday, but what has happened to me over the past three months has not taken my Father by surprise.  So much in this often painful world is the same.  So many people experience so much more pain than I have.  With each exposure to pain, whether in our life or in another’s, we choose our response.  We can deny reality, wish it away, call evil everything unpleasant, or trust God and that His wisdom and purposes are beyond us.  We can humbly turn toward our Father in our pain or defiantly raise our fist toward Him and demand answers and/or resolution.  I faced this choice about thirty times yesterday.  We can also choose to look away from ourselves and focus on, and love, those hurting…

I keep thinking about the fact that so many people in the world will never have the “privilege” of experiencing what I experienced this week.  Life expectancy for virtually all people throughout history (until 1960) and still for many in the world is less than my 50 years.

“It will never happen to me” is now officially irrelevant.  I can no longer question my own mortality.  Meditating on the world without me is a humbling, healthy exercise.  I am loved but not essential to the outworking of God’s plans.

Heart disease or not, the laborers are so few.  So few people know how desperately God cares for them.  It is estimated that more than three billion people still have yet to hear the Good News.  I seek anew His perspective on my life and His wisdom as I look forward.  Thank you for praying for me.